Chaos, Control & Compassion
Everyone’s had one of those mornings where you wake up to the sound of something unexpected (in my case, the sound of a dog whining at the door). Groggy and half-asleep, I let him outside, relieved to be free of the whining and reveling in the quiet morning. And then, all hell breaks loose (I’ll leave the details to your imagination) and I find myself singing a refrain from John Lennon’s song, “Nobody Told Me”:
“nobody told me there’d be days like these,
nobody told me there’d be days like these,
nobody told me there’d be days like these,
strange days indeed,
most peculiar mama.”
On days like these, it becomes apparent that we are not in control. I think back to one of Michael Singer’s podcasts, where he talks about the absurdity of thinking we have any kind of control over anything. We are literally floating through outer space, spinning at 1,000 miles per hour on one of the estimated 100 billion Earth-sized planets in the universe. We have no control over how fast the Earth spins, its trajectory through the solar system, or when the sun rises or sets. Yet, humanity has an insatiable need to control its environment, even if it is a futile endeavor.
This is where a heavy dose of compassion comes in. We really cannot control anything except how we respond to things, and even then, our control is limited. We are at the whim of our hormones, physiological responses, psychological and behavior patterns, not to mention cultural conditioning. It is truly a miracle that any human becomes enlightened, given how much we have to overcome!
If I could wave a magic wand right now, I would wrap humanity in a blanket of compassion. Better yet, I’d make it a layered burrito, slathering it in a huge dollop of love, liberally sprinkling it with peace and joy, and melting in some forgiveness for good measure.
Just like charity starts at home, compassion grows from self-compassion. According to Matthew Brownstein of the Institute of Interpersonal Hypnotherapy, compassion is comprised of five components: forgiveness, understanding, commonality, acceptance, and love. To start at the individual level, forgive yourself; you are just a human being, doing your best with your given resources. Understand where you are coming from—was it a hormonal surge of rage or a pattern of behavior from a trauma response? Recognize commonality by seeing the humanity in our responses; has anyone else behaved this way, not acting from their highest intentions? Accept what has transpired; there is no way to un-ring that bell, but we can learn and do better next time. And finally, love yourself fully, warts and all. Love is our true nature; it is where our peace and joy reside.
Want to dive into the pool of self-compassion? Join us for Yoga Nidra tonight at 7 pm on Zoom!
Email me for the link at kirstengoliver@gmail.com
